We all know what happiness is. It is rather subjective really to some people, happiness is defined to some people when you get straight A's or when your first baby is born. We all want to keep our happy memories intact with us, carry them whenever we can and we usually neglect sad or bad memories. I on the other hand always try to hold on to happiness of my past. It is to me a bad thing because when you are trying to hold something of the past you always miss it and wish you can take the ride all over again. Today I realised that I need to get out from the past and move forward. It is honestly hard for me but I need to understand that all people are selfish and they only care about themselves. I found the happiness of my life last year and I am afraid to say I lost it again. Sometimes I feel like I am being cursed because I cannot be happy for a long time. That is why I have not been writing my blog for quite some time and moving out to Blogspot is a rather huge change in me because I usually like to keep things. I will no longer update my Friendster blog and I will continue on writing here as I go along with my life about things I want to discuss.If I want to discuss about happiness, it is usually a happy thing. Of course I am pointing out the obvious. But, to gain happiness you actually have to work hard to get it. You might have to shed a tear or sweat to gain it but sometimes you do not even have to work hard. There is of course a level of happiness but the question is who have the right to judge the happiness in your life? I mean nobody has the right to even judge or rate how happy you are. As I ponder about this thing, I realised how subjective the world is. It is not easily defined so that is why we need a convention on how to define it. By having a certain explanation we can easily sort people whether they are happy or sad. But by doing that, you are defining and generalising about people. This is usually bad. You cannot say that, a failing student is not as happy as a straight A's student when the failing student gets a pass. See what I mean? Happiness is never gain easily. Most often you have to work hard to achieve it.If you ask me, I am really not sure whether I am content with my life. I might sound ungrateful but sometimes I wish that I can do certain things to make my life better. Nobody can understand how sad I am inside but I did my best to suppress it because I know if I let it out I might not even be here writing this. But I do believe in Karma, what goes around comes around and the happiness that I am searching for is still out there. I am still hoping and I shall keep looking for it. In the meantime, happiness is still an illusion for me. Only time will tell.