Clock is showing 1.40 am. I'm supposed to be in bed right now to catch up my so needed sleep but I just don't want to not until I should do what I am supposed to do every day. I just watched The Time Traveller's Wife and I just think it was the most beautiful romantic movie I ever watch this year. It brings up a theme that I always thought about sometimes. I wish I know the future because I myself am desperate to know what is going to happen. My eagerness in this matter is triggered by my insecure feelings deep inside me that I know I cannot avoid. I may not know everything but how I wish I know one thing, whether I will be happy in life. It haunts me every day trying to find the answer and it is always depressing to not get an answer. In life I should understand that you cannot answer all the questions unless of course you are god.

The unique about not knowing the future is that it makes you hope. Hope creates spark to live a life and waiting for the opportunity of your dream to come true. My happiness I usually based upon people around me and when someone is down, I feel down too. On this note, there is one particular person that I feel the pain and I know this person needs all the support. You once told me life is never fair. It is true but that does not mean it has to be that way. Life is sometimes harsh but there is no reason for you to give up. I believe that you will get through it because I know you will. Faith is all I have for you and I hope it is enough for you to stay positive to get what you need.

The only one thing that I don’t want you to do is to blame yourself because it was never your fault. I understand you want to take the blame but you are lucky that nobody points out to you that you are the blame for the bad things that happened. Maybe you did but like I once told you it was never your fault. Economic downturn was not your fault. People losing jobs was not your fault and certainly your problem is not your fault. You need to understand that life is like a wheel. You are at the bottom now and you will be on top someday. I know you will. Hope is a good thing and do not give up that hope. I prayed that if god wants to punish you then I am willing to take your place. Almost certainly I will take the burden but sadly I know god's test is not a baton that can be passed on. But god never tests his faithful follower when he knew you cannot take it.

I know it is frustrating to never get what you want but do not ever give up. You will get through this and I will be there along the journey if you need anything. I wish I can do more because it breaks my heart to see you this way but I do hope you know that I am with you a 100%. That is all I can do for you not because you are just my friend but because you are more than that.

You once told me that you feel sorry it is always about you. I forgot to say this. It does not matter. Something about you is also a part of us and what is part of us is also a part of me. You cannot imagine how I really do care about you. I miss you always but I always keep you close by. Let’s hope god hear what I have to say today and I hope someday he will. Just maybe... ((A))

Love is always patient and kind. It is never jealous. Love is never boastful or conceited. It is never rude or selfish. It does not take offense and is not resentful. Love takes no pleasure in order people's sins, but delights in the truth. It is always ready to excuse, to trust, to hope, and to endure whatever comes.

Over and Out 2.30 a.m.